Tax time … ugh. That time of year when all adults drag their feet and wish they could think of creative ways to get around filing all that fantastically pesky paperwork. I don’t know about you, but I would love to not have to stress for months before mid-April, worrying that I’ve lost an important document, or that I might actually owe the government more money! As I was collecting my many, many, many documents this year for my tax appointments, I started thinking about how if my life was a YA book, I would never have to do something so mundane as filing my taxes.
In the YA world where there are mobsters, time travelers, immortal vampires, and more, there seemed to be plenty of potential ways to elude the IRS. For something just a little fun in this stressful time, we decided to present humorous ways that YA characters might evade paying their taxes.
- Become a vampire and move from state to state every few years. This not only helps with avoiding filing those taxes, but has the added bonus of not letting anyone catch on to your agelessness! –The Cullen Family, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
- If you do have to file your taxes, make sure to count your arrows as a small business expense, and hide your illegally poached rabbits and ducks. –Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
- Use your “family” connections to pay off or bribe the IRS officials. If that doesn’t work, poison them with illegal, black market chocolate and go on the lam. –Anya Ballanchine, All These Things I’ve Done by Gabrielle Zevin
- Arrange to kill your father for being a lying, embezzling, cheat so your family doesn’t have to pay your taxes. –Ames, Dark Song by Gail Giles
- Have your emotion-manipulating mother “persuade” the IRS agent to pay your taxes for you. –Cassel, White Cat by Holly Black
- Enroll in Battle School and spend your time off-planet training to fight off alien invaders. When the time comes, the IRS won’t even know how to get in touch with you! –Ender Wiggins, Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card
- Sic a Kirin on the tax man and watch as he gets impaled on its deadly unicorn horn. You just have to remember to hide the body later! –Astrid Llewelyn, Rampant by Diana Peterfreund
- Capitalize on your father’s citizenship in Avalon and go for a lengthy “visit” during tax season every year. –Dana Hathaway, Glimmerglass by Jenna Black
- Survive a natural disaster by the skin of your teeth and watch how, miraculously, the whole tax situation just disappears! –Miranda, Life as We Knew It by Susan Beth Pfeffer
- Arrange for a little accident to happen at the local IRS field office. –Vince Luca, Son of the Mob by Gordon Korman
- Capitalize on the free full-body cosmetic surgery offered by the government and change your identity so you never have to pay taxes again. –Tally Youngblood, Uglies by Scott Westerfeld
- Steal a pricey, yet still pawnable, jewel so that if you have to pay those taxes, at least you can use someone else’s money! –Kat, Heist Society by Ally Carter
- After having a horrific accident and becoming a cyborg (read that as second-class citizen…), the government won’t even hunt you down to pay taxes … just your “owners.” –Cinder, Cinder by Marissa Meyer
Thank you to my fellow bloggers Sharon Rawlins and Ted Anderson for some great contributions!
— Jessica Miller, currently reading Starters by Lissa Price and Body of Water by Sarah Dooley
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